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NEWS > SPORTS > GILBERT ARENAS MAY TRANSITION TO AFGHAN WAR AFTER NBA OUSTER
GILBERT ARENAS MAY TRANSITION TO AFGHAN WAR AFTER NBA OUSTER
January 15 2010
Washington, D.C. – Thuggery and flouting of the rules has long been an issue for the NBA. Though the majority of players behave in responsible and professional ways a few high profile cases, principally from star players, have continued to push the 
perception that the league is full of a bunch of out of control punks. The latest of those incidents is of course the gun controversy surrounding Gilbert Arenas, an issue that has perpetuated the belief about the players in the league and that official are either unwilling or unable to do anything about their behaviour.
For Arenas the issue is much less of an abstract than that. Banned from the league for an indeterminate amount of time and his $100 million contract with the Washington Wizards all but voided, it’s a very real and tangible issue. As time goes it is becoming steadily more clear that the former star will never play another game in the NBA but if reports are to be believed he may have a future in other fields. Specifically a report indicates that Arenas owned hundreds of guns, an arsenal that would make most military men proud. Now he may be fielding offers from military officials who are considering deployment in Afghanistan or some other special operation more in tune with his first love.
“I can tell you that a lot of people in D.C. are looking at Arenas now for a whole lot of reasons. Obviously, the fans are paying attention, and the police are investigating his behaviour, but it is just down the Potomac at the Pentagon that the most attention is being paid, especially after what they saw in his collection,” said a beltway insider. “They want to get to him before anyone else does. They believe that they have the initiative because he is an American but if the Wizards negate his contract than it’s possible he will go with the highest bidder and that could be bad for everyone.”
It has also been suggested that Arenas could be conscripted to recover the Falkland Islands from the British, push Pakistani forces out of Kashmir, or, should it ever come up, defend the world against Graboids of the type depicted in the ‘Tremors’ movies. 
“Arenas is a popular player but the truth is his performance on the court has been severely limited, mostly by injury. It’s entirely possible that much of his mediocrity on the court is related to this massive collection of guns. Obviously roundball isn’t his first love and that’s a difficult thing to resolve in a superstar player,” said Scrape TV Sports analyst Mark Marvins. “Really this could be a blessing in disguise for everyone. With that much hardware it was possible that we could have had a Branch Davidian type of incident but now he will be free to pursue his use of weapons in a much healthier way and possibly help rid the world of terror.”
Arenas has reportedly been spending his newly found free time watching and re-watching copies of the ‘Rambo’ films as well as ‘Commando’ starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, apparently one of his favourites.
“It’s funny that sometimes what seems to be massive obstacles, huge disasters, can turn out to be just the thing to push you in the right direction, to put you on the path that you were always destined to be on and that could be exactly what has happened with Arenas,” continued Marvins. “Hopefully his skills can be turned to the benefit of society, whether that means fighting terrorism, taking out dictators, or fighting graboids. The important thing is that he turns this into a positive and I think he has a real opportunity here to do just that.”
A zombie epidemic, as well as a post-nuclear scenario with roaming bands of mutants are also possibilities for Arenas, should those events ever occur.
Emil Uliya, International Correspondent
NEWS > SPORTS > GILBERT ARENAS MAY TRANSITION TO AFGHAN WAR AFTER NBA OUSTER
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