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NEWS > SPORTS > MLB OFFICIALS ADMIT BASEBALL LARGELY AN EXCUSE FOR GROUP SHOWERS
MLB OFFICIALS ADMIT BASEBALL LARGELY AN EXCUSE FOR GROUP SHOWERS
February 25 2010
New York, NY – The roots of modern baseball date back to at least 14th century France, though experts believe the true history reaches much further than that. Since those early days of hitting balls with sticks, the sport has evolved into a multi-billion, 
multi-national empire that has entertained millions for well over a century. Since the beginning of professional baseball in the late 1800’s the sport has grown in popularity and dollar grosses but through all of those changes and scandals and triumphs, the sport has remained America’s favourite past time.
There have been many threats to that status, no doubt. Controversies such as the Black Sox scandal, the signing of Jackie Robinson, and most recently the steroids controversy have all tainted the sport and the league, threatening its place in the heart of Americans. Through it all though the simple game of hitting a ball with a stick has endured, just as it likely will for the foreseeable future. Now though a new controversy for the sport looms, and this one has been generated by league officials themselves who are finally admitting to something that many people have been suspecting for years, that the sport is essentially an excuse to allow for group showers.
“Everyone in the league knows the jokes and gets them but what most people in the public don’t realize is that a lot of those gags are very much based in reality. The game is slow, most of time players are just standing around doing nothing and even when they do it’s only to run very short distances or occasionally play catch with another player. That is the sport in a nutshell and they get that,” said an MLB insider. “Compared to other major sports like Football, Hockey, Basketball, or even soccer there’s not a whole lot of achievement. There’s little or no adrenaline rush, you don’t have to be in peak physical condition, and despite the high pay and huge stadiums the game is essentially the same as it is when kids play in their yard. The major exception though is the group showers.”
Group showers are commonplace in the sports world, but in most leagues bathing is necessary as a result of the sweat and grime that builds up through the course of a game, unlike baseball.
“Have you ever played baseball? If you slide into home plate or take a dive in the
outfield trying to catch a line drive you are going to get a little dirty, though not so much that you can’t wait to get home to have a shower. Every player though, even backup pitchers who don’t play, jump into the shower as soon as they make the final out. It’s a tradition despite it being largely unnecessary,” continued the insider. “Of all the changes that have gone on in the sport over the last century, group showers have not. There have been so many rule and equipment changes but this is one constant and I frankly think it will never change because it is so ingrained into the fabric of the game.”
The players union has routinely rejected attempts by owners to install stalls in locker rooms.
“The league is really worried that many average Americans will not like this notion that such a sacred part of their culture really revolves around men showering with other men but many people, including Bud Selig, believe it is just time to get everything out in the open finally,” continued the insider. “The military has long embraced the notion of same-sex showers and even made it a part of their recruiting campaigns. For them it’s more practicality with a little bit of tradition mixed in, just as it is in other sports, but the end result is the same with baseball. The guys just really like it and there isn’t a player in the league who will miss them if they were to disappear.”
The league offices in New York reportedly also house two communal showers, presumably for dirty businessmen.
Alexi Orton, Sports Correspondent
NEWS > SPORTS > MLB OFFICIALS ADMIT BASEBALL LARGELY AN EXCUSE FOR GROUP SHOWERS
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