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NFL OWNERS TALKING TO KEANU REEVES AS LOCKOUT NEGOTIATIONS STALL
April 11 2011
New York, NY – For decades the one sport that defined Americana and what it meant to be American was baseball. There is no debate that that simple and almost pastoral game defined much of early culture in the United States, but equally there is no 
debate that that has changed. Not only has the popularity of baseball diminished in recent years but professional football has quickly become the standard sport for most Americans, building the gridiron into a multi-billion dollar a year industry and embedding itself as the standard for American sporting.
Now that sport is being threatened by the very success which has made it so important to most Americans. Stuck in the middle of a lockout, NFL players and owners are still actively engaged in negotiations which many hope will salvage the upcoming season, keeping the cash cow going and keeping millions of people entertained. Because of the high stakes nature of the NFL, coming to a resolution is not going to be easy and while there will most certainly be an agreement eventually, there is no guarantee it will come before the start of the next season. Not willing to let billions of dollars just evaporate, NFL owners have apparently started contemplating the use of replacement players should the impasse continue. Now comes word that not only is such a plan under consideration but that some owners have begun to actively pursue such an option, even meeting with several high profile potential replacements.
“The owners and players are fully dedicated to a resolution to this impasse which has threatened the future of the season. We are all very much aware of the stakes involved with a lockout and potentially losing an entire season is not something any side wishes to have happen,” said an NFL spokesperson. “This suggestion that we have started to contemplate any options outside a viable financial and compensatory resolution is spurious and does not aid our efforts in any way. All sides are committed to honest and straightforward negotiations and that will continue until we come to a conclusion.”
Despite insistence from the NFL, representatives from multiple teams including the Giants, Steelers, and Jets have flown to London to meet with actor Keanu Reeves who starred in the film ‘The Replacements’.
“Aside from that meeting with Reeves, I’ve heard that they have actually gone after a number of cast members from that movie but of course Reeves is the one they really want, he’s the big fish,” said insider. “They don’t want these guys to play, obviously, I mean they are way too old and aren’t professional football players but they feel that if they have the support of the cast and even the crew of that film then most Americans’ will be a little more understanding when the replacement players hi t the field. The idea is to have them on the sidelines and even make promotional videos to try and kind of make things okay with fans.”
Other prominent cast members apparently being sought include Gene Hackman, Jon Favreau, and Rhys Ifans who will star in the new Spider Man movie next year.
“I think it’s very unlikely that they will actually stoop to using replacement players, and even more unlikely that even if they do use them that they will use Hollywood celebrities to help validate it, but by entering into these talks they can certainly scare the other side,” said Scrape TV Sports analyst Mark Marvins. “They could even use them to help in the negotiations directly, bring them into the room and help kick start the talks. I mean who wouldn’t want to talk Keanu Reeves?”
Orlando Jones, who also starred in the film, has reportedly been sleeping in an alley just two blocks from NFL headquarters. There are apparently no plans to include him in the negotiations.
Alexi Orton, Sports Correspondent
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