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NEWS > SPORTS > SATAN LAUGHING SENDS TEBOW AND THE BRONCOS PACKING WITH HELLISH DEFEAT
SATAN LAUGHING SENDS TEBOW AND THE BRONCOS PACKING WITH HELLISH DEFEAT
January 15 2012
Boston, MA – Tebow-mania is over, at least for this season. The Denver Broncos were knocked out of the playoffs by the New England Patriots on Sunday in a crushing loss, losing 45-10 against Tom Brady’s team. The Patriots will go on the play the winner of the Texas-Baltimore game on Sunday.
The loss will no doubt call into question both the value of Tebow and the real power of religion in sport, which obviously had no positive impact on the Broncos fate for the playoffs. Tebow, as he has done all season, made little mention of the Lord or his possible participation in the lopsided loss, but it’s believed likely that this was part of His plan, as difficult and obscure as that plan might be.
The Patriots, given the massive scorings offensive they displayed, are the hands down favourite to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl. Tebow and his teammates will likely be watching the game from home, or wrapped up in prayer and devotion to the Lord.
“It's all about winning. You lose a few playoff games, and it's a very bitter way to end the season, and it sits on our mind for quite a long time. For us to come out and play the way we did, have a very solid performance in the most important game of the year, is very gratifying,” said Tom Brady after the game, likely a preamble to some sort of sinning.
Brady, it is believed, engaged in a great deal of carnal knowledge with his supermodel wife in the week leading up to the game while Tebow prepared for the game by watching TV.
It’s also believed that Brady celebrated with more sex, while Tebow drowned his sorrows in chocolate milk, which he is allowed once a year.
“There was really no competition in this game, which is about what everyone expected. The Broncos really did pull off a miracle against Pittsburgh last week but I guess this week the Lord abandoned them. It doesn’t appear that He has any power when it comes to the Patriots. It’s pretty clear that someone in that organization has sold his soul. There’s no other way they could be that successful for so long,” said Scrape TV Sports analyst Mark Marvins. “I think that if Tebow wants to have long term success, whether in Denver or someplace else, he is going to have to rethink his way of doing things. God is notorious for letting people work out their own issues, only the Devil interferes with humanity and that’s what you need to win football games.”
Tebow is technically still the back-up to Brady Quinn. It’s not clear if the team will trade him for next season, if other teams will even take him.
“The Broncos have a good base and really Tebow isn’t the thing that gave them success. It seems like that, but Quinn is a solid player and with the team they have in place I think they could be even more successful with a more stable pivot, and one that is willing to sacrifice his faith for the good of the team,” continued Marvins. “That’s the real issue, in any sport. You need a leader who is willing to sacrifice himself for the team, up with pain, make personal sacrifice and, if needed, give up your eternal soul for the good of the team. I doubt very many teams are going to be enthusiastic to take on a quarterback who isn’t willing to do that.”
Arizona may be willing to do that, being abandoned by both God and the Devil long ago.
Alexi Orton, Sports Correspondent
NEWS > SPORTS > SATAN LAUGHING SENDS TEBOW AND THE BRONCOS PACKING WITH HELLISH DEFEAT
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