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NEWS > TECHNOLOGY > APPLE MAKES PLANS TO MANIPULATE USERS LISTENING HABITS, FREE WILL
APPLE MAKES PLANS TO MANIPULATE USERS LISTENING HABITS, FREE WILL
March 19 2009
Cupertino, CA – Apple knows how to make two things very well, hardware and headlines. The latest controversy for the iPod and Mac giant involves a new set of headphones for the latest version of the iPod shuffle. While headphone releases hardly ever make headlines, it does when you’re Apple, and when those headphones force even more of the company’s proprietary technology into consumer’s hands. The new headphones contain all the controls for the new iPod and a mysterious chip that many fear will lock users into using only their headphones, despite such denials from the company.
Proprietary hardware is apparently only the beginning though as word begins to leak of a totally new application the company is reportedly developing. Rumours have begun circulating around Silicon Valley that Apple has been experimenting with neural implants and directed electrical impulses which, according to rumours, is a part of a broader plan to manipulate users musical tastes and possibly their ability to explore free will.
“Proprietary hardware and DRM is a cornerstone of Apple’s philosophy to simply control every aspect of what users do with their product and so this does not come as a surprise. The possibilities that this type of technology poses are really endless. They could ensure total Apple loyalty without ever spending another cent on marketing. It’s genius really,” said Scrape TV Technology analyst Ken Kevins. “They would be able to drive people to listen exclusively to artists available only on iTunes which of course
would only draw more musicians to the platform. Say goodbye to PC and Windows as well. If this works Steve Jobs just won everything. Of course mind control could have negative effects such as the elimination of free will, choice, and the ability for one entity to manipulate the entire populace of the world. But you take the good with the bad. Plus now we’ll probably have The Beatles on iTunes.”
It is believed that the company will be looking to develop a technology similar to that recently unveiled by The University of Toronto, though much more advanced and available in an array of colours.
“The concept of Free Will is a long argued and studied idea. Philosophers, artists, theologists, and political leaders have long struggled with the idea since really the beginning of human consciousness. Equally the manipulation of that will has been explored thoroughly by institutions and madmen throughout human history, usually to middling effect. It appears though that Apple has altered that argument and will make themselves even wealthier as a result,” said Scrape TV Philosophy analyst Prince Chaywan. “Ayn Rand said ‘Man is a being with free will; therefore, each man is potentially good or evil, and it's up to him and only him (through his reasoning mind) to decide which he wants to be.’ and basic reasoning has been pervasive throughout all studies of the concept. Now though Apple seems to have changed that forever and left us, ironically, free to explore other ideas like the tonal structure of the latest Miley Cyrus song. We have struggle with this for so long that we should all really be thanking Jobs and company.”
Not everyone is so happy about the potential power that Apple appears to be able to wield over the masses, though not for purposes of self-determination and the self, but rather a sonic opposition. One such opponent is Nine Inch Nails front man Trent Reznor who as a self described Audiophile fears for the quality of encoding that will result from Apple’s complete and total dominance.
“Mp3 is an inferior format. It is a lossy format that limits the audio experience no matter what music you are listening to, whether mine or Britney Spears,” said
Reznor in an exclusive interview with Scrape TV News. “Since we won’t have the choice
I’m just going to plead right now with our new overlords that they switch to Flac so that at least we have the best audio experience possible, for the good of humanity.”
It is not known when Apple will begin rolling out the new mind control software and accompanying hardware. We attempted to contact Apple executives but unexpectedly lost the interest and will to make the call.
Martin Philton, Technology Correspondent
NEWS > TECHNOLOGY > APPLE MAKES PLANS TO MANIPULATE USERS LISTENING HABITS, FREE WILL
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