HEADLINES

NUCLEAR REGULATORS READY TO BLOW AFTER OUTAGE AT ILLINOIS PLANT Rochelle, IL – After the absolute disaster that occurred in Japan early last year the nervousness over nuclear energy has been very high. Certainly the nuclear industry has seen its share of criticism and real concern from people and governments, and more than one disaster, the near apocalyptic nature of the disaster in Japan has shaken the faith of many that not only is a nuclear accident much more dangerous than they previously believed, but that it may be imminent.   CATHOLIC LEAGUE AMASSING ARMY TO KILL PRESIDENT OBAMA PLANS FOR CONTRACEPTION New York, NY – Religious extremist come in all shapes and sizes. While most of our impressions of such zealotry lives in the most extreme forms, people who slam planes into buildings or force people to drink poisoned Kool-Aid, but sometimes extremists come in far less extreme packages, though they can be just as explosive.   U.S. MARINES MISTAKENLY INVADE VIRGINIA AND NORTH CAROLINA Washington, D.C. – Few will argue that the United States doesn’t possess one of the greatest fighting forces ever assembled. Along with the peak armies of nations such as Rome, Mongolia, and Britain, the U.S. is really unmatched in its time, able to exercise military might wherever it goes and be hailed as a hero in those places while at the same time being vilified as an invader.

U.S. JUST WAITING FOR BIGGER BOMBS BEFORE ATTACKING IRAN Washington, D.C. – There are a lot of components at play in any international conflict and the more components in the field, obviously, the more complex a situation becomes. In Iran there are many, many factors at play and all of those combined have made the ongoing stalemate with that country a very difficult task indeed.   PENTAGON INVESTIGATING CLAIMS OF RAMPANT BLADDER CONTROL ISSUES IN MARINE CORPS Washington, D.C. – It was pretty clear from the first moment the video of Marine urinating on the bodies of dead Afghans appeared that it was going to be an international incident. Already outcry over the incident has started, spreading from Kabul to Washington and making a whole lot of people, well, pissed. ELIZABETH SMART NOT SEEN OR HEARD FROM SINCE GETTING ENGAGED TO OLDER MAN Salt Lake City, UT – There are few nightmares as potent for parents than the one in which their child is taken in the night. Aside from the fear of not knowing that inevitably overcomes parents when the child goes missing, the hard reality is that when it happens the children rarely turn up alive. Most of the time, in fact, they are dead before people even realize they are gone.

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