NEW YORKERS PANIC AS PLANE APPEARS IN THE SKY

April 27 2009

New York, NY – When Wilbur and Orville Wright first began their experiments that would eventually lead to the first manned flights the idea of using aircraft to murder thousands of people was likely the furthest thing from their minds. Of course there are many things the Wright brothers probably never would have considered in those
early days of flight. Things such as wars fought in the air, supersonic flight across oceans, or tiny bags of peanuts would likely come as a surprise to the brothers, much like the surprise New Yorkers experienced today.

The sudden appearance of Air Force One flying low over New York City sent the city into a panic as the 747 cast a massive shadowy reminder of those heady days of 2001. People on the street fled in panic, office buildings were evacuated, people broke down in tears and prayer in the street, and city officials fled to underground bunkers. The misguided photo opportunity brought fresh panic to the streets of New York as many witnessed the mystery of a plane flying through the sky for the first time in almost a decade.

“New Yorkers by and large are a tough bunch of people. They can take pretty much anything that is thrown at them but when something like this comes flying through the sir at them, well maybe this time it was just a little too much for even them. Most of the people who panicked appear to be adults so it’s likely they’ve seen a plane before, but it’s been a long time,” said Scrape TV New York analyst Mike Wilson. “Children of course won’t have understood what they were looking at but adults should be a
little more responsible. It has been a long time since a plane has flown in the New York area but that doesn’t mean that adults have to panic and abandon all reason. They should have thought of the children.”

Many are likening the reaction of New Yorkers to the reaction garnered from remote
native tribes first being exposed to the miracle of airplanes in the 1930’s and 40’s. Many of those tribes in South America and South Asia reacted as though they were witnessing some otherworldly entity bent on their destruction. That of course wasn’t true then, as it wasn’t today, but the similar reactions have spawned speculation that there is some latent fear of planes in the human animal.

“There are some fears that are common across all human cultures. Fear of snakes and snake-like objects, insects, and of water are all common phobias that occur throughout the world no matter the level of sophistication in the culture. It’s a phenomenon that psychology and sociology has yet to fully understand but it is thought possible that some of these fears are built into the species, rooted in our animal history,” said Scrape TV Psychology analyst Dr. Sarah Welp. “What the root fear of airplanes would be is anyone’s guess. Perhaps there was some massive carnivorous bird that hunted humans which for whatever reason hasn’t shown up in the fossil record. It could also be that New Yorkers felt they were done with planes after they batted those ones out of the sky with the World Trade Center Buildings. Either way, they are going to have to get used to it because planes aren’t going to just go away no matter how much they wish.”

Whatever the cause of the panic, the normally tough New Yorkers are starting to feel a little sheepish at their reaction to the incident and naturally are lashing out at the government for the stunt.

“No doubt there will be a handful of lawsuits as a result of this but that’s really just a defensive reaction for most people. As time goes and as people continue to live their lives they are going to encounter airplanes at some point and lashing out isn’t going to help you adjust to that inevitability,” continued Welp. “Planes will fly and will fly in and around New York and the people of the city are just going to have to get used to that reality. Planes, helicopters, and all sorts of other flying machines are here to stay and even New Yorkers are going to have to accept that.”

President Obama and Mayor Bloomberg both declared anger at the flight and vowed to restrict as much as possible New Yorker’s exposure to man-made flight.  

Mike Michaels, American Correspondent

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