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NEWS > U.S.A. > ELVIS IMPERSONATOR KILLING SPREE REMEMBERED AT FAN CLUB’S 25TH ANNIVERSARY
ELVIS IMPERSONATOR KILLING SPREE REMEMBERED AT FAN CLUB’S 25TH ANNIVERSARY
September 15 2010
Topeka, KS - The massacre three years ago of thirteen Elvis impersonators at a log cabin resort on Lake Michigan was remembered yesterday by the sole surviving member of the Topeka KA chapter of the fan club to which
they all belonged. 
Langston Whitty, 62, recalls the fateful day when he and his eighteen Elvis impersonator friends arrived for a vacation on Lake Michigan. There, to their horror, they encountered Canadian psychopath Maurice Loudain, who had evaded capture for many months after escaping the maximum security wing at a Montreal prison.
After Loudain cut power to the satellite dish powering the log cabins, all methods of communication with the outside world were severed. Unable to contact the authorities, the King of Rock n Roll tribute
acts were at the mercy of the bilingual genius. Loudain effectively picked off Elvis impersonators in the forest wilds for three days, killing thirteen and maiming three others, one of whom was lucky to escape with his own head. Given their vacation experience, it’s no surprise to learn that the three injured Elvis Aaron Presley imitators have since left the club. The whereabouts of another two King impersonators has never been ascertained. Although it is possible that Loudain still holds them prisoner somewhere on the US Canadian border, it is far more likely that he has since eaten them, or worse.
Loudain had been known to have an intense loathing of impressionists of all kinds since being convicted of the murder of an Ottawa drag act famed for singing Liza Minelli show tunes. DNA analysis has led to subsequent convictions for the murder of a George W Bush voiceover impressionist at a Newfoundland radio station, and an Albany ventriloquist, some of whose dummies had likenesses to Hollywood celebrities, including Cosby Show alumnus Tempestt Bledsoe and The Golden Girls’ Bea Arthur. Since his prison escape, the psychopath remains at large.
Meanwhile, Langston Whitty today cuts a lonely figure at an Elvis Convention in Tupelo, the King’s place of birth. Three years ago, he would have made the journey here from Kansas with eighteen of his fellow sequinned vocalist mimics.
“We all would’ve been crowding around this here stall, set up all nice and special, for our fan club’s chapter,” he explains, wistfully. He taps his foot off the table leg, his flared trouser end billowing with regret.
Today, he has the stall to himself. Whitty pays tribute to the memory of his fellow tribute artists by detailing the events surrounding their deaths. He explains how they first knew something was wrong when Loudain’s first victim of their log cabin vacation, Seymour Emerson Tatchell V, excused himself to use the bathroom. After failing to return from the outhouse an hour later, Tatchell was found by the other silky voiced impersonators slumped on the latrine, apparently strangled to death by the toilet’s flush chain wrapped tightly around his throat, above the medallion that hung in his chest hair.
CONTINUED ON PAGE 2 --------------------------->
Patterson McMurphy O'Shea, Special Irish Correspondent
NEWS > U.S.A. > ELVIS IMPERSONATOR KILLING SPREE REMEMBERED AT FAN CLUB’S 25TH ANNIVERSARY
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