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NEWS > U.S.A. > MILITARY OFFICIALS BRING WAR ON OBESITY TO GITMO
MILITARY OFFICIALS BRING WAR ON OBESITY TO GITMO
September 27 2010
Guantanamo Bay, Cuba – Imprisonment can take many forms. The most obvious one is actual imprisonment, trapped behind metal and concrete however there are other forms. Dying bodies can be a prison, as can massive debt. Functionally all 
situations where the mind is trapped by the body are forms of imprisonment, and they are all things that human beings rage against. Whether a part of our distant heritage roaming across the African savannah or a result of something deeper in the human psyche, human beings crave above all else freedom.
Unfortunately, though freedom cannot be afforded to everyone. While cases of illness and financial troubles are certainly sad, they are unfortunately at least largely out of the control of the individual. In the case of actual prison time however it is choice that leads to segregation from society. While drama is rife with tales of false imprisonment and tragic tales of misbegotten youths, the vast majority of the time the actions that lead to imprisonment are entirely avoidable, yet prisons flourish. Choices lead people to fall afoul of society’s rules making prisons an absolute necessity to protect to freedom of others. That knowledge is likely little solace to prisoners, something the inhabitants of the most 
notorious prison in the world are discovering. Now though a new burden has been set upon the prisoners of Guantanamo Bay as the war on obesity knocks on their prison cell doors.
“This has actually been the policy for a little while it’s just now coming to light. Basically it was decided that the detainees were getting a little on the chunky side and we were asked to change their diets slightly. It makes sense they were gaining weight, they were eating 6000 calories a day,” said a Guantanamo insider. “We’ve tried introducing more vegetables and other low fat options but we realized that things like ice cream and soda were the root cause of much of the obesity. We made a hard decision to cut back on that. It has been a tough go for everyone.”
Reportedly the most famous resident, 9/11 mastermind Khaleid Shaikh Mohammed is very fond of Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby.
“Some of the detainees have dealt with the new restrictions better than others.
Everyone has been reduced to one ice cream per day which we feel is a reasonable level of consumption. So far the overall weight of the population has dropped, though not significantly, but we feel that in the long term they will be able to shed pounds and reduce those waistlines,” continued the insider. “It was a big fight though. I can tell you that the ice cream contractors were not at all happy when they heard we were going to be reducing our purchases. They are going to be even unhappier when news of this gets out. The last thing they want is for these detainees to act as health examples for ordinary Americans.”
The United States was recently classed as the fattest nation in the world with 34 percent of adults rated as obese. 
“The hard reality for all Americans is that something needs to be done about the growing obesity epidemic. That is really what it is at this point. People have been talking about it for years but most have not been doing anything about it. Any efforts in that direction are good ones to make,” said Scrape TV Health analyst Rebecca Phelps. “It is bad enough that these people are imprisoned behind bars, they don’t need to be imprisoned behind fat as well. This is a smart move and one that could prove inspiring to all Americans. It also means they will be able to fit into their suits when they stand trial.”
The youngest prisoner in the camp, Canadian Omar Khadr, is reportedly on a hunger strike after being denied his favourite ice cream, Chunk Monkey.
Mike Michaels, American Correspondent
NEWS > U.S.A. > MILITARY OFFICIALS BRING WAR ON OBESITY TO GITMO
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