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NEWS > U.S.A. > NEW YORK TOWN FACING MUSLIM ZOMBIE UPRISING
NEW YORK TOWN FACING MUSLIM ZOMBIE UPRISING
October 11 2010
Sidney, NY – There is no city in the United States that hasn’t been touched in some way by prejudice and hatred. While such actions are common throughout the human experience, in the short life of United States such activities have taken on an entirely 
different persona. While it’s certainly true that the country has not seen the kind of ethnic atrocities that have occurred throughout the Old World, prejudice and racism have been embedded in the identity of the nation nearly since the beginning, a stain that will simply not wipe away.
To wit, the small town of Sidney, New York. With a little over 6000 people Sidney is most certainly small town America but, unlike many southern towns, has been largely immune from prejudice by virtue of its geography. However in today’s America where the fear of Islamic terror strikes virtually everywhere, this small town has not been able to stay immune. Recently the city has been embroiled in a controversy over an Islamic graveyard which the town states has been established illegally, though advocates believe otherwise. While the rhetoric between the two parties goes back and forth, a simple and far more horrifying truth has come to light in the form of a tangible fear that the graveyard could give rise to Muslim zombies who would inevitably wreak havoc over the small community.
“It’s really become this ugly battle between the city and the people responsible for the cemetery which has started to spiral out of control. I mean you here are reporting on it and that shows that the ugliness is starting to become much bigger than anyone wanted. Basically the town thought they could push this through without it going public, but now things have gone national,” said a Sidney insider. “I can’t comment on all the motivations on either side of this thing, but I can say that there is a real tangible fear amongst the people of the town and it really isn’t about Islam per say, but the potential for these bodies to come back to life.”
There are only a few bodies in the cemetery, all of the Islamic faith.
“Obviously if the dead start returning to life then we are going to have a big problem generally but the belief amongst the town elders is that here we will be able to control the zombie population simply because we have so few cemeteries to protect, but the fear is that these particular zombies will be much more aggressive,” continued the insider. “I mean since they are already dead they won’t have much to lose. Radical Muslims have already proven themselves capable of killing themselves in order to kill others and that threat would be increased tenfold if they are already dead. That is why the town really wants the bodies exhumed and moved elsewhere. They want to be able to protect the living residents of the town should this thing happen.”
Most experts believe that a zombie apocalypse is very unlikely.
“There would be a number of issues that would immediately halt a zombie uprising before it started. The first issue would be numbers, just sheer numbers. Fifty-three 
million people die every year but there are nearly seven billion in the world. The vast number of those bodies will have been prepared or already decayed to the point where reanimation would be difficult. Even those that did would be really slow and dumb meaning that we could easily do away with them,” said Scrape TV Apocalypse analyst Seth Morris. “It’s very, very unlikely that this would ever happen. Even if it did it is also likely that the people will have lost their personality, their identity and with it their faith. These Muslim zombies would likely be no more aggressive than Christian zombies or Jewish zombies, plus they wouldn’t really be able to make bombs. Aside from the whole brains thing, they wouldn’t have ready access to materials. I think this whole situation might be about something else.”
It is also believed that Buddhist zombies would be as aggressive as any others.
Mike Michaels, American Correspondent
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