U.S.A.
Everyone Else
Health
Science
Business
Technology
Sports
Video Games
Entertainment
Future
Humour
NEWS > U.S.A. > UNSURPRISINGLY NEW JERSEY SETS RECORD FOR MOST ZOMBIES
UNSURPRISINGLY NEW JERSEY SETS RECORD FOR MOST ZOMBIES
November 3 2010
Asbury Park, NJ – For as long as we have been conscious beings, there has been a fascination in the line between the living and the dead. It has been argued that it is our obsession with the dead that was an early indication of the emerging 
consciousness of the human animal as we began to bury our dead and ritualize the end of life. While other animals certainly pay respects to their dead, no other has imbued the end of life with as much importance as human beings.
Because of that, mortality is very much on our minds. It does in fact inform most of what we do in our lives and the way in which the species has developed. At their hearts, religion and war are about death, and both those have shaped much of human progression. Much of that fascination with the end of life isn’t of course about the end, but rather about how much we value the time we have and the time we will never have again. Throughout history however small segments of the population have been fascinated with death unto itself, extracted from life and laid bare. That has affected popular culture and spirituality almost equally, and likely led to the growing zombie population throughout New Jersey that has now been registered as a Guinness World Record.
“I can confirm that we have now registered this gathering in New Jersey as the single largest collection of zombies ever assembled in one place. With 4,093 deceased souls inhabiting the Asbury Park region New Jersey now has the record,” said a Guinness spokesperson. “All in all this has been one of the most exciting and best behaved gatherings I have attended. Everybody was extremely well-behaved and there were no major outbreaks of violence which can happen at these types of things. That is especially surprising considering this is Jersey. This was a great experience all around.”
A similar gathering in Toronto managed to round up upwards of 6000 zombies but many escaped the quarantine area and were not counted. Canada’s robust health system has resulted in the most zombies per capita in the world.
“One has to wonder about the wisdom of these types of events. I mean there is 
obviously a public safety issue in letting these things wander around and so gathering them together may make sense, but having to deal with them en masse is not a happy situation and doing it simply to get in the record books is downright negligent,” said Scrape TV Apocalypse analyst Seth Morris. “I mean it has long been speculated that the end of the world would start in New Jersey and that was even more likely when we saw ‘Jersey Shore’ for the first time but that doesn’t mean we have to welcome it with open arms and celebrate it. Realistically the military should have gone in when they were all gathered there and just finished it once and for all.”
Similar gatherings of varying sizes occurred throughout the world at around the same time, just as they have in recent years though no obvious connection has been made.
“The real important question is whether or not there is some kind of mental or psychic connection between these varying groups of zombies or, and this is truly frightening, if there is some mad scientists or other kind of body directing the hordes. That could mean trouble,” continued Morris. “It’s also possible that these hordes function in the same way as Al Qaeda cells. They behave independent of central command and are able to function and make decisions on their own. Luckily they are a lot easier to spot than terrorists who more or less look like normal people.”
Locals reported the Jersey shore region was remarkably clear of addicts and homeless people after the march though it is not clear if there is a connection.
Mike Michaels, American Correspondent
NEWS > U.S.A. > UNSURPRISINGLY NEW JERSEY SETS RECORD FOR MOST ZOMBIES
LINK IT! http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/usa/pages-5/Unsurprisingly-New-Jersey-sets-record-for-most-zombies-Scrape-TV-The-World-on-your-side.html |
TWEET IT! http://bit.ly/bB6LC0 |
BOOKMARK IT!  
|
|---|
Scrape Store
