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UKRAINE ENDS EASTER TRUCE IN PRETTY MUCH THE MOST DECISIVE WAY POSSIBLE

Kiev, Ukraine – It’s not totally clear who started the latest round of fighting between the Ukrainian government and the separatists in the West, over a weekend that was supposed to be peaceful with a truce and all, but clearly someone did and now all of that effort has ended.

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U.S. AND RUSSIAN OFFICIALS SURE THE OTHER GUY IS TO BLAME FOR FAILING PEACE EFFORTS IN UKRAINE

 

KEVIN DURANT LIFTS THUNDER TO SECOND PLACE FINISH DESPITE DREAM ABOUT BEING HALF DONKEY
NEWARK MAN NOT SURE EASTER THE BEST TIME TO SURPRISE FAMILY WITH SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
PUTIN AGREES TO STEP BACK ON UKRAINE IF TINA TURNER AGREES TO COME OUT OF RETIREMENT
COOL PARENTS HOPING SON HAS GREAT TIME AND MAYBE MEETS A CELEBRITY OR TWO AT COACHELLA

NEWS

UKRAINIAN LEADERS PROPOSE CONSTITUTIONAL CHANGE TO SEE IF THAT SHUTS PEOPLE UP

UKRAINE TRUCE COLLAPSES AFTER REBELS DECIDE THEY AREN’T GOING TO GIVE UP JUST LIKE THAT

MEDIATOR, OF SORTS, HEADS TO EASTERN UKRAINE TO FORCE EVERYONE TO SURRENDER

SYRIA SETS DATE FOR PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION TO ALLOW EVERYONE TO HAVE A VOICE IN THE FUTURE OF THE NATION

NEWS

ROBOT SUB HAVING ABOUT AS MUCH LUCK AS US HUMANS IN HUNT FOR MISSING PLANE

UKRAINE PRETTY MUCH READY TO TAKE ON SEPARATISTS AND ALL THEY DO

EVERYONE BUT THE PEOPLE CAUSING TROUBLE AGREE ON DEAL TO HALT TROUBLE IN UKRAINE

KIEV GETS SUPPORT FROM JOE BIDEN AND THAT SHOULD REALLY BE ENOUGH FOR ANYONE

NEWS

FAMILIES OF DEAD ON SUNKEN SOUTH KOREAN FERRY UPSET ABOUT SLOW GOVERNMENT RESPONSE AND REALLY THE WHOLE THING

WEST CRITICISES SYRIAN ELECTION PLAN BUT THEN THEY WOULD WOULDN’T THEY

DEADLY GUN ATTACK IN EASTERN UKRAINE CERTAINLY NOT HELPING WITH EASTER TRUCE

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OBAMA PLEDGES ALL THE SUPPORT IN THE WORLD FOR JAPAN OVER SILLY LITTLE ISLAND DISPUTE
THE WHITE HOUSE SURE DOESN’T LIKE SLAUGHTER IN SOUTH SUDAN SO TAKE THAT GUYS
THE U.S. STILL NOT REALLY ALL THAT SURE ABOUT WHAT TO DO ABOUT SYRIA’S CHLORINE GAS AND STUFF
FAMILY OF OSCAR PISTORIUS DENIES THAT HE TOOK ACTING LESSONS BEFORE TRIAL, HE IS JUST A NATURAL
CUBA GOODING JR GETTING DIVORCED BUT AT LEAST HE HAS HIS CAREER TO FALL BACK ON
SCIENTISTS EXPLORING MIND READING AS A REAL THING BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE FUNDING
SOUTH KOREAN FERRY DEATH TOLL INCREASES WHICH IS GOING TO KEEP HAPPENING FOR AWHILE
SOUTH SUDAN REBEL LEADER DENIES MASSACRE CLAIMS BECAUSE SUCH A THING WOULD MAKE HIM LOOK BAD
WORLD APPARENTLY NOT PREPARED FOR EMP ATTACK, ALIEN INVASION, OR THE UNIVERSE TURNING ITSELF INSIDE OUT
KEYSHAWN JOHNSON GOES LONG ON ARREST FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
AMERICAN WINS BOSTON MARATHON WHICH IS WAY BETTER THAN BEING BLOWN UP
U.S. FORCES IN AFGHANISTAN PROBABLY GOING TO BE CUT BY THEM MORE THAN THEY ARE COMFORTABLE WITH
RUBIN HURRICANE CARTER DIES YEARS AFTER BEING REDEEMED