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CIVILIANS BLOCK UKRAINIAN TROOPS FROM ENTERING TOWN BECAUSE THE TROOPS ARE CLEARLY WIMPS

Kramatorsk, Ukraine – The problems with the eastern section of Ukraine, the problem that has existed there since the start of all the troubles in the country, is that it is full of Ukrainians, most of whom are not particularly loyal to the country.

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RUSSIA TELLS UKRAINE TO AVOID FORCE IN EAST BECAUSE THEY HAVE PEOPLE THERE AND STUFF

 

HOUSTON ASTROS READY TO TRY FREE EVERYTHING DAY TO BOOST ATTENDANCE
EARLY CRITIC OF NEW TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES MOVIE SUDDENLY REALISES IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER AT ALL
UNIVERSAL PICTURES READY TO TURN SCREENWRITING OVER TO COMPUTER ALGORITHMS
UN SAYS IT STILL FEELS TERRIBLE IT HAD ALIENS IN CHARGE THROUGHOUT RWANDAN GENOCIDE

NEWS

EVERYONE SUDDENLY RACING TO THE BE THE FIRST TO DESTROY SYRIAN CHEMICAL WEAPONS

SOME CLAIMING THERE HAS BEEN A NEW GAS ATTACK IN SYRIA BUT THAT COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE THE CASE NOW COULD IT

OFFICIALS SENDING ROBOTS TO DO WHAT MEN COULDN’T FINDING THAT MISSING PLANE

AUSTRALIAN PM SAYS MH370 SIGNAL RAPIDLY FADING BUT LUCKILY THEY ARE ON THE CASE AND READY TO SAVE THE DAY

NEWS

RUSSIA SAYS UKRAINE IS ON BRINK OF CIVIL WAR WHICH IS JUST FINE BY THEM

UKRAINE PRETTY MUCH READY TO TAKE ON SEPARATISTS AND ALL THEY DO

UKRAINIAN FORCES READY TO JUST START KILLING PEOPLE NOW

UKRAINE GIVES REBELS WHAT SOUNDS VERY MUCH LIKE AN ULTIMATUM

NEWS

QUITE A FEW KILLED IN ARMED RAIDS IN UKRAINE BUT THAT IS WHAT TENDS TO HAPPEN WHEN YOU PLAY WITH GUNS

NEW PINGS GET EVERYONE’S HOPES UP AGAIN IN HUNT FOR FLIGHT 370

U.S. WARNS RUSSIA ABOUT EVERYTHING THEY ARE DOING OR NOT DOING IN UKRAINE

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HEAD OF EU AID DIVISION IN RACE TO SAVE SOUTH SUDAN FROM FAMINE EVEN IF NO ONE ELSE IS
MORE THAN 100 TEENAGE GIRLS ABDUCTED IN NIGERIA WHICH IS JUST ANOTHER DAY IN THAT COUNTRY
SOUTH KOREAN FERRY DECIDES TO SNUFF ITSELF AND EVERYONE ABOARD
AC/DC NOT RETIRING NO MATTER WHO GETS SICK OR DIES
MILEY CYRUS HOSPITALISED FOR ALLERGIC REACTION WHICH IS WHAT THEY ARE CALLING IT THESE DAYS
MAN LEAVES RICE COOKER IN BACKPACK IN ABOUT THE WORST POSSIBLE SPOT IN BOSTON
OBAMA AND PUTIN SPEAK FOR THE FIRST TIME IN WEEKS BUT DON’T MANAGE TO SOLVE ALL THE WORLD’S PROBLEMS
OSCAR PISTORIUS STILL INSISTING HE IS VERY SAD HE SHOT HIS GIRLFRIEND WHILE SHE WAS ON THE TOILET BECAUSE HE THOUGHT SHE WAS AN INTRUDER, HE SWEARS
SILVIO BERLUSCONI ORDERED TO DO COMMUNITY SERVICE WHICH HE WILL PROBABLY NEVER ACTUALLY DO
MICHAEL PHELPS TO UNRETIRE SO HE CAN WIN MORE MEDALS WHICH IS HARDLY FAIR REALLY
TURNS OUT THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR DIED OF BROKEN HEART AFTER ALL
AARON HERNANDEZ APPARENTLY THREATENED TO KILL JAIL GUARD AND THAT GUY WOULD PROBABLY DO IT
YANKEES MANAGER MAKES IT CLEAR HE CAN BENCH ANYONE HE DAMN WELL PLEASES, EVEN DEREK JETER