HEADLINES

IRAQI MILITARY CONTRACTOR IN HOT WATER AFTER DESTROYING RECYCLABLES Baghdad, Iraq – The face of war has never been a pretty one. Death and destruction, families destroyed, entire civilizations and races obliterated from the face of the planet are just some of the traumas that war creates. War can also be a builder of civilizations, with those able to shine in the midst of that sorrow gaining huge advantages over the defeated. The United States is one of those countries, a nation whose entire history has been defined by war, but only rose to its current dominance after success in the Second World War. BELGIAN PRIME MINISTER BECOMES FIRST CREEPY PRESIDENT OF THE E.U. Brussels, Belgium – The European Union is perhaps one of the most remarkable developments in the history of the human species. The cooperation between so many disparate nations with so many different identities, languages, and races that have for centuries engaged in brutal bloodshed on a scale no other place on the world has seen is truly a marvel. It was less than seventy years ago that the bloodiest and most brutal conflict in the history of the species originated and was functionally ended on that continent, taking with it the lives of over sixty million people, a continent that now shares open borders.

HUNGRY RUSSIANS STILL TRYING TO NORMALIZE CANNIBALISM Samara, Russia – Though Russia has long stood as one of the great nations of the world they have historically struggled with keeping their large and diverse population on a more or less even keel. Perhaps because of the massive expanse of the country or perhaps because of the way the country has undergone many abrupt changes, rule of law and basic social mores have frequently been a struggle for the nation. That of course was thought to have been solved with the introduction of Communism, which was seen as a cure all to the diversity issues plaguing the nation, but ended up only causing more. MILLIONS CELEBRATE LOUSY CONSTRUCTION OF BERLIN WALL Berlin, Germany – The Cold War was without a doubt one of the most defining elements of the most significant centuries in the history of the human species. Military tension, social and technological developments, and economic diversity throughout the century were all coloured by the confrontation between the west and the Soviet Union. The greatest symbol of that conflict was of course the Berlin Wall and its collapse was, fittingly, the symbolic end of the Cold War, and event that helped to alter the face of Europe and the world forever.

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